Riya (daughter) is growing old. Being a mother I am always concerned about her well-being. I am often afraid that she might take a wrong step in a bad company. Can we trust our children's choice or can they trust ours?

In our time, we had close, obedient and respectful bond with our parents; whatever they said or they decided was final. Today, children are more like friends, they demand reasons - why can't I go late night movie shows? Mom why can't I go for sleep overs? Mom why this? Mom why not? So do you think our children would completely rely on our decision? Do you think they would agree to our choice for their partner? Are arranged marriages forced marriages? Is love marriage a case of monster known is better than an unknown evil?

My friends, be confident and never let the thought of comparing love among these two marriage types enter your mind. Understanding and Love are most important in a marriage. It does not matter how you've met your soul mate; what matters is that you did. ‘To Love and Marry' or ‘To Marry and Love' - in both cases, love marriage or arranged marriage — benefits are the same! Love and marriage are inseparable from each other in any kind of marriage. Question is also that which would be less harmful in worst case scenario?

Keep your heart open as you read my thoughts on this sensitive topic. My intention is not to take sides but find a right perspective to this genuine dilemma that our young minds are facing. I do believe God can use parents to find the right life partner for their children and I have seen great examples of this.

Sometimes people spent their life waiting for people who do not really want them. Arranged marriages are not that bad. Arranged marriages may appear as blind gamble to logical thinkers but they are also God designed coming together of two people, who make each other see why it never worked out with anyone else in their life. If you love adventures, marriage can give boost to adventures; marriage can help you live your life according to your dreams.

In love marriage the couple starts loving prior marriage, whereas in arranged marriage the couple loves each other after their marriage. It is true that we do not know our companions compared to that of love marriages but we cannot deny the fact that our parents have more experience and they know us better too. Here our parents only made it easier for us to see if you actually like that person or no. The couple discovers love day by day and also one comes to know new things about his/her partner.

It is noteworthy that in arranged marriages the support that one gets from relatives, cannot be experienced in love marriages completely specially in our Indian society. So it is safe and mostly advocated to go for it. It is not incorrect that one should not marry someone just to make a third person happy. Its disrespectful to your spouse. The only reason you should be marrying anyone is because you love them, respect them and hope to spend your life with them. It's better to know the person before tying this lifelong knot.

On the surface, love marriage seems perfect. Love Marriages also require lot of effort, it is not an effortless or trouble free union.

Sometimes the argument ‘Love will grow in time' for arranged marriages does not work out well. Therefore, it is important for parents to pay attention to expectations and liking of their son or daughter. Today's tech savvy, educated and well informed kids prefer self-decision making and might even use mobile phone to find life partner from a matrimonial website.

Now that gives us parents a greater challenge. It puts you in a spot where it is certainly not fair for us to say, “Do it because I say so”. It also puts you in a responsible position of explaining to your children, why you believe what you believe and how you are making this decision for them.

Being religious or God fearing does not mean that an arranged marriage is from God's will and a love marriage is from the devil or a taboo or sin.

What is painful is that, sometimes we parents take decisions to please society, our relatives and relations and we ignore our own children and then condemn them for making wrong choices. May be your son or daughter would have not ran away with that unsuitable person if only he/she knew that you were open to reason.

Biggest argument against love marriage is that they have resulted in divorces. But the truth is that today even some of the best looking arranged marriages have had the same end.

Is there is a solution? Set expectations. Instead of fighting for arranged marriage or love marriage, would it not be easier that parents have an open talk with their children of what they must expect in their life partners.

You cannot stop your children from falling in love but the least that you could do is to teach them what are the qualities they must look for in the man or the woman they seek to marry.

This would serve a problem because most of the arranged marriages are finalized based on caste, colour, job, property etc. Sadly, the prospect being God fearing and hardworking is no more good enough!

Teach Values to your children. More than telling your children what they must look for the most in their spouse, it is best to live it. When they see how God fearing and loving your family has been, it will automatically teach them to desire for a family loving, honest and sincere person.

Nothing can put off children more than telling them that you are more worried about what others say. Be remember, your children are more important than those ‘others', who will always have something to say somehow and anyhow.

Both arranged and love marriages have their own strengths and limitations. There is no perfect formula to make a marriage work. However, it is important to our self to become good marriage material before we ask for a good life partner. After all, you can’t attract a good partner who possesses traits of a good life partner if you yourself don't display those trait. If I could sum it up I'd say, being parents is great but being parents-cum-friends is greater! Talk it over with your sons and daughters!

May all live a happy married life...
it is my prayer today!

6 secrets to a long-lasting marriage:

Like all relationships, sometimes even marriage needs help, especially when things get difficult. So, instead of ignoring and brushing your marital woes under the carpet, make your marriage a happy and long-lasting affair. Here are 6 secrets:

(1) Communication - If communication is missing in your marriage, before you even realize it, it will slowly destroy your relationship. Even if you're busy with your work, children, gym, household chores or social activities, just set aside 15 minutes in the day, especially for your spouse.

(2) Bonding with your in-laws - Initiate get-togethers or dinners once in a while. After all, if there's a strain in your relationship with your better half, your in-laws could be a great support.

(3) Don't let the Romance die - Give appreciation, attention and quality time to your partner. Make her/him feel special, genuinely.

(4) Dignity and Respect - Respecting your spouse and giving her/him dignity will strengthen your bond and help your relationship in the long run. It's important that you don't dominate or boss her/ him around, alone or in front of family and friends.

(5) Be Ready to Compromise - Compromise is not a sign of weakness; it is about reaching a consensus or solution that both of you will be happy with.

(6) Transparency about Finances - You can have a separate bank account, where you save up money. But it's equally important that your spouse is aware of your finances too.

 
“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.” ― Oprah Winfrey

 

How to be a Good Wife?

Woman dream about becoming a good wife for their prince charming, right from the age of playing ‘Ghar-Ghar’ in childhood. However, it is important to become good marriage material ourselves before we ask for a good partner. Develop some of the basic qualities in you and good fruit will come.

Do not be selfish, marriage is about loving and giving. Do not be materialistic. If you only marry for money, you may be in for a rude awakening. Dont be concerned with impressing people but focus on your family life. Do not cheat. Unfaithful people do not have happy married life. A good wife is always nag free. Be supportive of your husband. Do not belittle him or his job or hobbies or activities.

Respect towards each other is very important. Communication should be pleasant. Keep your family together. Accept your husband as he is. If you can’t change him, then you have to change your attitude. Most importantly, keep in close touch with God. Both can lead a spiritual life by maintain close contact with God. It’s important to be prayerful.

A great wife gets along with friends and family. She will not only help her mother-in-law in kitchen but also listen to your Dad's boring stories and hang out with your friends, she will enjoy it. She'll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life. She will always prepare house, keep it clean and hygienic and be pleasant and beautiful.