Now this state of mind may appear offensive to some of us parents but it is an important issue that needs discussion!

Emotions like these are happening in almost every home these days. Some parents are putting immense pressure on their children to excel academically. Kids are forced for Tuition, Extra Tuition, Hobby Classes, weekend entrance exam coaching, special tests and therefore kept away from extracurricular and recreational activities like sports, music etc. They feel this could boost their children's chances of gaining admissions into top-ranked colleges. Is it not true that parents today are ignoring their kids' natural dispositions and emotional health and consequently this is destroying the parent-child relationship?

It is correct that parents are genuinely concerned about their child's future and they make lot of sacrifices personally and professionally to raise them with best facilities and options… But what is the end goal of your efforts? You want to raise well-balanced, well-adjusted, mature, responsible, ethical young adults? Right? You want your children to succeed in professional world? Your child to live a happy and healthy life? Yes?

No! Unfortunately, the end goal of today's parenting is to get their kids admitted in a top ranked college/university because only a branded degree will make employers chase you and consequently you will get a chance at good life, financial stability, good social status and you can raise your kids well, and then they can pressurize their children again in the same cycle.

However we neglect one very important factor!

The MOST CRUCIAL FLAW in this reasoning or logic is that you are not putting your child in the center of your plan. You are not considering your child's abilities, disposition, personality, etc.

If your child is not very academically-inclined and you are forcing him every day, every hour to study hard, helping him in his projects, assignments etc… then what will happen after he goes off to college and you are no longer around to nag him anymore? How well is he going to do in subject and college he is not interested at all? One needs to be self-motivated and not just simply externally-supported by fear of punishment or by fear of dishonoring family!

Kids today are engaging in unhealthy extremes of alcohol, smoking and drug addiction. The moment kids are away from the watchful eyes of their parents, they want to engage in self-destructive activities in revolt of the “Repression” or in the name of “Freedom”. Can we really blame kids for their immaturity? Even in social gatherings, parties; parents and relatives are always reminding young children how important it is for them to get into “Top College”.

Why are we not willing to trust our child's own natural abilities? Why is his intellect irrelevant? Only song parents seem to know is… “It does not matter what my child wants to do, I will push him harder and harder, I will train him harder, pressurize him, force him, and he will submit to my wishes, and live my un-lived life, my unfulfilled dreams... ” I ask you, what is the result of all of this parental nagging and pressure? Well, even if your child gets admitted by your pressure or through hefty donation seat, will it improve his natural abilities and internal motivations? Will his self-esteem be emotionally balanced? Will he be able to learn to live on his own terms and decisions?

Name of the university and college can only get your foot into the door for job interviews. If you are smart, even if you are not from IIT or IIM, you will be able to make your own success in long run. God gives lots of opportunities to demonstrate your abilities if you are determined to work for your goal.

Look at the most successful and talented professors, lawyers, sports person, doctors, entrepreneurs, business executives, etc. and see where they went to college. Some of them may have went to top schools, but most of them went to not so popular school, colleges and universities- Yet they are at the top of their fields! Do you think they became successful because of the constant poking and prodding of their parents or were they able to get this far academically due to their own intellect, motivation, and determination, of course with loving encouragement (not taunting) from their parents. Leadership does not come from genetics, environment, peer pressure, or luck, and NOT even from parental intervention.

Not everything can be taught to everyone. Some children are simply not made to go down a top-ranked academic path. They may have strong skills in other areas, such as art, music, dance, people skills... there should be no shame in your child being a sales professional if he simply can't do well in science! I know of families where children resent, shun and even hate their parents for years and years, they even cut off connection with parents and refuse to even speak with them, forget about seeing them in person because of the pressure and trouble they faced from their parents in childhood for getting into prestigious educational institutes. Believe me, if you force your child too much, when the child is grown-up , he or she might cut off connections from you or refuse to communicate with you for an extended period of time and then it is definitely your fault.

Stop blaming society, the media, fate, or other people; swallow your pride, and start looking inward to reflect on your own mistakes. If you spoil your relationship with your own children, then your child will probably not think fondly of you when he grows up. He might act respectful out of a sense of duty, but he will not be as sincerely affectionate as he could have been if you had not traumatized him during his youth. Is the risk of having your child turn psychotic, depressed, suicidal, or hateful of you worth it for a chance for him to do just slightly better?

Are the consequences and risks of extreme parental pressure worth it for the rewards? After your child is grown up, you will have no choice but to either accept her/his life decisions of life partner, work and friends... It is ultimately up to you to accept her/him when she/he is an adult; and doesn't need to win your approval...

Dear parents, try to get to know your child, to know her/his abilities and limitations, talents and strengths, shortcomings and weaknesses, interests and passions, likes and dislikes, and set your expectations, accordingly. Please don't blindly poke and prod them towards your own academic dream or compensate of your own academic failures by getting her/him accepted into ‘Popular’ college. It is foolish and one of the worst way to treat a child - by pushing him in a direction that he can't stand. If your child rides solo, and if he simply doesn't have the ability or motivation to succeed in whatever path you choose for him, he will either fall off the bike and crack open his head (bleeding profusely) or even worse, stop the bike, get off, walk away, and never return!

Love your family, love your children - they are our only hope for a happy, healthy and good future. May God bless your home.